I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We talked him into tasing himself.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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