So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
