He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
