No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
