Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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