She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
