rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
