Please, let me fuck your mom
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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