Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
