I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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