She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
