if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
