Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
