This is not my ceiling
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
