**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
