Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
