i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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