I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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