help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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