she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
