No stitches, just platelets and will power
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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