I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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