The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
