he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
