I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
