Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
