what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
