You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Randomize
