He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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