so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
