I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This baby is an asshole
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
