i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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