Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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