In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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