Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
