i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
