I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
