I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
