Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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