I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
