I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
