Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
