Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
