either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
