You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
