chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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