Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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