Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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