I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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