May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
