I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
