if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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