How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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